One, And Only One

Day 16: My mother's tight-fistedness was notorious. A Scotsman of the first water, it was never so apparent as when Hallowe'en rolled around. She would buy several bags of her favorite candies, and when the trick-or-treaters knocked on her door, she would never allow them to serve themselves, handing out one piece to each child from the bowl behind the door.

One Hallowe'en, my husband and I decided to play a trick on her in repayment for her stingy nature. As small as I am, it was no problem for me to appear child-sized when covered with a bedsheet and walking on my knees. With Bruce hiding around the corner of the house, I approached her door and knocked on the glass. When she answered, I held out a woefully empty paper bag and in a small, quiet voice made the standard request: "Trick or treat!" My mom's response was what one might have expected, "Oh, a cute little ghostie!" She reached into the concealed bowl, and when her hand appeared again, it was to drop one and only one piece of saltwater taffy in my bag. Any child receiving the same treatment would tell you they heard it echo when it hit bottom.

I tipped my head downward carefully, not to let my eyes give me away. The sorry offering looked so lonely that I then said squeakily, "Kin I have another one?" My mother firmly said, "No," and not another word.

Somewhat at a loss as to what my next move should be, I pondered for half a minute as I stood in front of her open door. As she made to close it, I was forced to extemporize. "Kin I use your bathroom?" I asked hastily. The answer I received was a curt and hard, "NO," and the door was being shut as it was uttered.

Now the final stage of the original plan was played out. I stood up. Clearly, a rising ghost was not what my mom expected, and she went (as the saying goes) "arse over teakettle" backwards in utter shock. At that point, Bruce stepped onto the porch, and with both of us making reassuring noises in between our hoots of laughter, order was restored. That said, I still never managed to get another piece of taffy out of her.