Uphill Climb

Day 324: It's been an uphill climb, dammit, but I've got here by putting one foot in front of the other one, navigating around crevasses, keeping my focus on reaching the goal. I don't know that I've achieved anything in anyone else's eyes, but that's not the point. It's just about getting to the top...and getting back down again in one piece. Sometimes the obstacles have seemed insurmountable. Sometimes I've felt dwarfed by the challenge ahead, but as I've chided myself time and again, "You ain't gonna get there by lookin' at it," and that philosophy has driven me to take the next step even when I thought I couldn't go on.

So what's up there that's so important? Nothing but a purely personal reward: "Been there, done that." Is it worth the pain? Too damn right it is! Yeah, there are risks. There are risks in getting out of bed in the morning. You can't let fear govern you, but you have to be wise in the way you approach the pitfalls. You have to be on your toes, in control, tight every single moment. Takes a lot of mental discipline, life.

If you were to ask me what single event stands out among the things I've done, I'd pull out that top photo and say, "This. I spent a night on the summit of Mount Rainier. On purpose." There are a lot of people who overnight up there without planning it, so I have to qualify that. My husband and I climbed via Camp Hazard and Kautz Glacier, laden with full expedition gear "just because." We spent the next day exploring the crater and venturing into steam caves; not deeply, but far enough in to feel the breath of the volcano whispering in our ears. We touched warm rocks with our bare hands when our faces were aching with cold though we were masked by wool balaclavas. We smelled the sulphrous gases emerging from the Mountain's digestive tract.

I was nine years old when I decided I wanted to be a climber. There was only one Mountain on my "to-do" list in those days because I was too young to know there were others. Yet even after I had met Mount Rainier's challenge and gone on to conquer lesser peaks, there was only one Mountain in my heart. Six successful ascents I made, by five routes or variations, but only once did I tuck in for the night with the crater rim rising around me, the greatest moment of my life spent sleeping so soundly that I did not wake to view the stars.