Day 127: Today, I want to talk to my readers about gender identity. Don't walk off, dammit. I'd like to introduce something you probably haven't considered. In a way, this will be my "coming out," and no, I am not gay.
When the words "gay," "bisexual," "heterosexual," "transsexual" and others are listed in one place with the option to choose one as your preferred gender identity, there is no box for "non-gendered," no choice for "none of the above." Admittedly, I am built like a woman. That can't be denied, but the stereotypical gender markers are absent in me. I don't like babies, romance novels or cute clothing. I dress in a rather masculine style because frills and ruffles don't fit my outdoor lifestyle, but I am not interested in cars, hunting or beer parties. Although I'm tiny, I have been addressed as "Sir" on more occasions than I care to count due to my square-shouldered posture and assertive walk. That said, I have been married (twice), have been in several relationships, have had numerous crushes, but the attachment in my mind has always been philosophical, not physical. When it came down to field testing (if you take my meaning), my response was invariably a bored, "Can we hurry up and get this over with? There's a lichen I want to check out before it starts raining." But more importantly, I do not identify with a gender. I'm just...me.
Strangely, the idea of being non-gendered has drawn the same reaction from many of my friends, both heterosexual and gay: "There must be something wrong with you." Some of them have attempted to change me, employing the same "this can be fixed" attitude that has been suggested to "cure" their own gender identities. That response baffles me. What's wrong with not being interested in a particular recreation (because that's what sex is, after all)? I don't like golf or baseball, either.
Love is broader than gender and physicality. Friends have often described my relationship with Nature as "intimate." That word has a larger definition than how it applies in the bedroom. It includes understanding the moods and whims of my partner, taking care of her, at times placing her welfare above my own. She rewards me by providing food and shelter, and by revealing to me some of her innermost secrets: close views of wildlife and rare plants. But try entering "In a relationship ... with Nature" on your Facebook account! Nope, that's not going to happen until "gender identity" includes those of us whose passion is given to abstractions, and who dismiss bedroom business as a dreadful bore.
Ha! Beautiful post. What folks don't know is that a relationship with nature is the best of life, indeed, it is life itself. And using sex as metaphor to describe is not over the top--it is absolutely appropriate(This is the work of ecopsychology--my field). BTW, your experience with sex and sexual matters isn't unusual. You may want to explore the concept of being demisexual (Not that you need a term for it but it's helpful to think others share a similar experience).
ReplyDeleteWell, I'll be danged...I knew I wasn't alone in the world, but I didn't think this was common enough to merit its own term. Y'know, as a scientist, I like labels. A lot of people would disagree with that, but I find them comforting. Until I find a better one, I think I'll adopt this one. Thank you!
Delete