Curl As A Cucumber

Day 319: I have often said that although I can grow beautiful flowers, I am almost a complete failure at vegiculture. I flunked zucchini, failed radishes, got an F in green beans. Now we can add cucumbers to the list, unless this one deserves redemption as capital-A Art. From stem end to blossom end, it forms a curl of nearly 540 degrees, and would have made the full circle-and-a-half had not that blasted little chipmunk gnawed off the tip. What caused it to grow so strangely? Was it lack of water? A cold snap? A hot spell? Poor soil? Any of the above might or might not apply. I think perhaps the pots which now contain said curly cucumber and two sickly tomato vines will be given over to some type of berry next year. A berry is a fruit, and therefore they seem to be unaffected by the black thumb which governs vegetables under my care. After all, one should play to one's strengths.